Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dress of my Dream

A few nights ago I had a very odd dream. In my dream, I went to a bridal store to shop for my wedding dress. The store was huge, full of wedding gowns. But I looked, and looked, and looked, and I could not find the dress. I had done my homework, and researched their website for the ones I wanted, but none of my favorites were in the store. They had countless modern and strapless dresses, but they did not have my dress. The dream cut off in the middle of me searching for someone to help me.

When I woke up, I was a bit surprised about the dream, but I may have an idea as to what brought it on. We are seven months away from the wedding and I don't have a dress. I have not tried on a dress and I have not gone dress shopping. I haven't even made an appointment yet. I know, I know, you must be wondering, What is she thinking!? Sometimes I wonder the same thing too. My original plan was to start dress shopping in December. December and January have come and gone, and I have yet to set foot in a bridal store.

Now, don't get me wrong, I want to get my wedding dress, and I know what I want and don't want. I definitely don't want anything strapless (remember my dream with the store full of strapless dresses?). I want lace, I want it to have a vintage feel to it, and I want it simple. I have plenty of inspiration pictures, and a list of dresses to try at the store. So, why haven't I done this yet?

In all honesty, I'm intimidated and scared. I'm intimidated by the sole idea of being surrounded by hundreds of dresses (okay, so maybe not hundreds, but you get the idea), and having to choose one. I'm scared of the trying-dresses-on part. I'm more than scared, I'm terrified. I don't go shopping for clothes often mostly because of the way I look. I know there are many girls out there who are not comfortable in their own skin, and I'm one of them. I didn't use to be like that. For me, it happened sometime after high school. My college experience was exhausting. A lot of late-night studying and spending endless nights and days at the lab working on team projects meant a lot of junk food and fast food to survive. I gained a lot of weight, weight that I have not yet been able to shed. Due to this, there are a lot of types of clothes that don't look good on me, and I'm terrified that the type of dress that I love won't look good on me either. Or that I just won't be able to find my dream dress that looks good on me.

Perhaps I'm being silly, or maybe there are a lot of other brides out there who feel just like me. More often than not, my silly (and sometimes irrational) fears get the best of me, but, deep down, I know the mister will think that I look beautiful in whichever dress I choose. And I know I have my awesome girls (my MOH and my BM) to help me push through this and find the dress of my dream.

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